June 30, 2003
Regrets? I've had several hundred.
I regret to say that, because of work, lack of funds, fear of terrorists, and general malaise, I will not be attending the Jeaun summit this week in NYC. I am relying on those of you who are to post full reports here, complete with (incriminating) photos.
June 28, 2003
i wish any of us were as fucking cool as this guy
from this point on, i will only date men who have swivel seats on their el caminos.
June 25, 2003
A gruesome sight
The Mothership has been permanently retired from service.
Hell frozen over??
So they've actually said they'll agree to a truce. Peace in the middle east?
This is amazing. Should we hope? Will they stick to it? Will Israel stop "targeted killings"? I sure hope this goes forward. If this situation can finally be solved, it removes one of the biggest beefs the so-called "Arab street" has against the United States.
Maybe we'll finally get our money's worth now instead of Israel using our annual 3 billion that we give them to kill Palestinians.
June 24, 2003
this is pretty cool
You can look for old family members and stuff that came over. I found my great-grandmother and my great-great-grandmother and father. anna ferch if you want to see for yourself. or paul westman for my great grandfather on my dad's side.
I stomp my feet...
I've got bitemarks on my hands from trying not to laugh my ass of in my cube.
a brilliant example of cyber-sex, taken directly from the dork archives of slashdot
bloodninja: Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight?
BritneySpears14: Aight.
bloodninja: Slip out of those pants baby, yeah.
BritneySpears14: I slip out of my pants, just for you, bloodninja.
bloodninja: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: Oh, I like to play dress up.
bloodninja: Me too baby.
BritneySpears14: I kiss you softly on your chest.
bloodninja: I cast Lvl. 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman.
BritneySpears14: Hey...
bloodninja: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl. 8 Cock of the Infinite.
BritneySpears14: Funny I still don't see it.
bloodninja: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty F*ck of the Beyondness.
BritneySpears14: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is ridiculous.
bloodninja: Don't f*ck with me bitch, I'm the mightiest sorcerer of the lands.
bloodninja: I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl. 1,000,000 Your body explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl. 2 Druid.
BritneySpears14: Don't ever message me again you piece of ****.
bloodninja: Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shield inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of metal.
bloodninja: King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik's evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals my accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him.
bloodninja: You still there baby? I think it's getting hard now.
bloodninja: Baby?
--------------
bloodninja: Ok baby, we got to hurry, I don't know how long I can keep it ready for you.
j_gurli3: thats ok. ok i'm a japanese schoolgirl, what r u.
bloodninja: A Rhinocerus. Well, hung like one, thats for sure.
j_gurli3: haha, ok lets go.
j_gurli3: i put my hand through ur hair, and kiss u on the neck.
bloodninja: I stomp the ground, and snort, to alert you that you are in my breeding territory.
j_gurli3: haha, ok, u know that turns me on.
j_gurli3: i start unbuttoning ur shirt.
bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't wear shirts.
j_gurli3: No, ur not really a Rhinocerus silly, it's just part of the game.
bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't play games. They f*cking charge your ass.
j_gurli3: stop, cmon be serious.
bloodninja: It doesn't get any more serious than a Rhinocerus about to charge your ass.
bloodninja: I stomp my feet, the dust stirs around my tough skinned feet.
j_gurli3: thats it.
bloodninja: Nostrils flaring, I lower my head. My horn, like some phallic symbol of my potent virility, is the last thing you see as skulls collide and mine remains the victor. You are now a bloody red ragdoll suspended in the air on my mighty horn.
bloodninja: Goddam am I hard now.
--------------
BritneySpears14: Ok, are you ready?
eminemBNJA: Aight, yeah I'm ready.
BritneySpears14: I like your music Em... Tee hee.
eminemBNJA: huh huh, yeah, I make it for the ladies.
BritneySpears14: Mmm, we like it a lot. Let me show you.
BritneySpears14: I take off your pants, slowly, and massage your muscular physique.
eminemBNJA: Oh I like that Baby. I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: What the f*ck, I told you not to message me again.
eminemBNJA: Oh ****
BritneySpears14: I swear if you do it one more time I'm gonna report
your ISP and say you were sending me kiddie porn you f*ck up.
eminemBNJA: Oh ****
eminemBNJA: damn I gotta write down your names or something
The Magic of Hogwarts!!!!
o.k. who's reading it?
i have to say the hysteria is a little bit scary.
June 23, 2003
chicago jeauns...
any you dudes want to see willie nelson with me at the house of blues on 8/25? come on, willie nelson.
Destination, hell. Mode of transport? Handbasket.
The reason American public schools and rap music do not go well together.....
We are all going to hell for letting this happen to the youth of the nation.
June 22, 2003
June 21, 2003
BAGHDAD (Reuters) - U.S. troops psyched up on a bizarre musical reprise from Vietnam war film "Apocalypse Now" before crashing into Iraqi homes to hunt gunmen on Saturday, as Shi'ite Muslims rallied against the U.S. occupation of Iraq.
Come on now, seriously.
Maybe they're right... maybe I'm just not enough of a patriot.. At least that's what Ann Coulter says. I should try to be more like McCarthy... or maybe General Custer.
Are you part of the liberal conspiracy to destroy this nation? You might be.... but remind me again what we're conspiring to do?
June 20, 2003
Are we all sheep?
I don't know about the rest of you, but I'm real disturbed about this whole lack of WMDs in Iraq. I know other people are upset about it too. Personally, I think it should be front page every damn day because in my view this is potentially bigger than Watergate ever was.
Read this Op-Ed piece by Kenneth Pollack in the NYTimes. (Registration required but it's free and NYTimes is still OK)
Now take a look at this report from aross the pond.
So much for those trailers being mobile weapons labs. I'm kind of disappointed too, since Colin Powell had those nice diagrams at the UN. Too bad he didn't convince the rest of the world.
What does everyone think on this? Personally, it seems to me like this administration misled Congress, the American people, and the world in selling this war.
Now that's not to say I'm not glad Saddam is out of power and hooray for the Iraqi people cause now they're much less likely to have the 12-volt batteries hooked up to their collective gentials, but that doesn't excuse any of our elected officials from lying. Maybe they didn't lie to us outright, but they at least made the intelligence tell them what they already believed and not what it proved.
Everyone know about the whole farce of Iraq's nuclear program? Well they sure didn't get it from Nigeria as the administration has claimed.
So this entry is too long so maybe no one has gotten this far, but what can we do about this? I don't want this story to go away. I want the American people to know the truth. Why do so many people not care? Where's the outrage?
June 19, 2003
Now This Is What I'm Talking About
E-Mail Mob Takes Manhattan
http://www.wired.com/news/culture/0,1284,59297,00.html
The mob that gathered in Manhattan on Tuesday night was looking for something they referred to (without explanation) as a "Love Rug." Or at least that's what the couple of hundred people who gathered in Macy's department store told a bemused salesman, who may or may not have believed he was dealing with a commune of carpet-craving eccentrics.
See why Norway rocks?
I've probably told many of you of my plan to move to Norway because of the high quality of life there. Obviously, this proves my point. In America, our sex education consists of Christians telling us it's bad before marriage and not enough actual promotion of healthy ideas.
The Norwegians on the other hand? Their public health department has a CONDOM DELIVERY van.
If only it wasn't horribly cold and dark for like half the year. Dammit
Uh ... whaa?
Mmmm. I was really trying to respind in a respinsible, erudite, urbane fashion to sevveral of the previous posts. Unfortunately, or pehaps fortunately, I got extremely drunk tonight. I took the boards this morning/afternoon, and I'm pretty sure I passed. I don't think I'll ever have to do that again. Whee! Drinking rules.
June 18, 2003
Stairway to Be
What's the better song and why:
"Let It Be" or "Stairway To Heaven"?
Discuss.
This One's For You, Graver
yet another reason why i shouldn't be left alone in a room with $400,000 worth of audio equipment.
I've been wrong all along....
I bet you're wrong too. Money can buy happiness
So, evidently I'm going about this happiness thing all wrong.
I mean, I'm trying to remember I'm not my job, not the amount of money I make. But now the nice scientists are telling me otherwise.
They obviously have on nice white lab coats and therefore I trust them.
So let's start a lottery between all of us.
Or just go out there and be as ha$$y as we can be!
P.S. Journalism is dead.
June 16, 2003
funny thing happened...
i met this rad doctor at the dog park on saturday who happened to have graduated from grinnell in '79. apparently, the president used to shut down campus during finals — lock the libraries and academic buildings and such — and bring in huge bands like the police and springsteen. apparently music would start playing in the middle of the night and the party would last all day.
i don't know about you, but i could really use a day like that right now.
June 15, 2003
June 14, 2003
Y'all just sit there. You check it every day. You know what goes on here ...
I mean, come on, political debate, interrupted by links to people that dress up their cats?!
By your non-submission, you allow this ridiculousness to happen. We get nothing back. Since the dawn of ARPANET, the likes of you have thwarted the free exchange of ideas ... by allowing the free and unchecked exchange of ideas, making us all look like a bunch of dumbasses.
So really, it's you that's embarassing us.
With your hand on the mouse and your eyeballs on otherpeoplesbrains, you're not helping.
We established a policy of inclusion, a homestead act of sorts. You know you want a piece, so just ask. It's yours. Together, we can tame this vain beast.
In the meantime, we're just sitting here, waiting for your damn lips on our damn dicks.
Seriously, when you coming over?
Love,
Aden Tim Graver
(insert self-admonishing post script by T. T. Doy?:
i.e. "without your perspective...autoerotic....dipshts.... etc.")
Email Bone. Let's do it
June 13, 2003
Naked man scares shark to death
LONDON, England (Reuters) -- A British comedian could face criminal charges over the death of a "sensitive" shark after he jumped into a tank at an aquarium in the nude, the Daily Telegraph newspaper reported on Friday.
The 12-year old smooth hound shark -- which measured three feet (0.91 meters) -- died suddenly two days after Guy Venables jumped into its tank as a publicity stunt at the Brighton Sea Life Centre, southern England.
"This variety of shark is susceptible to stress. We are very concerned he died as a result of seeing Mr Venables jumping into the tank," Sea Life Centre's Lisa Handscomb told the newspaper.
"The shark is being examined by our biological services team and if it is found that he died from stress, we will prosecute Mr Venables for criminal damage."
You can't tip em over!
Our President who can even tip over the un-tippable segway. Makes me proud to be an American..
Sidehatch note: Jason, WTF...are images just outlawed now? Can't figure out where to upload images to. Either we can't or I'm dumb or both.
June 11, 2003
i'm ready
after all these years, i'm finally ready to go away to college. after living on my own, getting a degree and joining the workforce in the past 8 years, i'm finally mature enough to become an undergraduate. i'll even go to class and learn. not skip class and not learn. i really, really am. i'll even get something practical this time like a journalism or literature degree. and i'll behave. i won't drink or smoke or sit in cleveland lounge watching tv all day. so... can i go now?
Love Doesn't Have to Hurt
Currently, this is my favorite bad cover "band." They are undoubtedly ridiculous. All I'm saying is that you should go to this here site and click on something so you can hear the noise.
http://www.atomickitten.com/home_index.htm
The first time I did it I laughed for like ten minutes. But I am also the one who has a Liberty X screensaver.
Cheers.
June 09, 2003
shizzle your nizzle
a rapping white man!
http://www.cnn.com/2003/EDUCATION/06/01/rapping.dean.ap/index.html
June 07, 2003
The Punchline is Blasphemy!
Three Irishmen walk into a bar in Boston.
Seamus says to the bartender, "A Guiness, if you please, black as midnight over County Cork. And if you'd stand a single rose petal in the head on top for me, I'd call you a friend for the rest of my days."
The bartender slides Seamus his Guiness, a rose petal balanced perfectly in the foam.
Paddy, not to be outdone, says to the bartender, "A Bass Ale for me, don't you know, golden as the hair of the maidens of Killarney, and if you'd sprinkle it with a pinch of lavender, lad, I'd remember you when I name my grandsons."
The bartender hands Paddy his pint, the lavender drifting fragrantly at the top of the glass.
Sean looks at his two companions for a long moment, and says to the bartender, "just a glass of water for me, thanks all the same."
"Sure about that, buddy?" Asks the bartender.
"Well, what choice do I have?" Says Sean, "Look at it one way, and we've two Irishmen with flowers in their beer! Look at it another way, and it is known to me that Jesus of Nazareth, at the height of the summer solstice in his thirty-first year, befouled himself with the blood of a cloven-hooved beast of burden, and participated in a ritual wherein his anus was penetrated by the horns of the dread god Baphomet, and wherefrom he derived sexual pleasure."
You gotta do what?
Peep the last line of this here Onion article. You know it's true, too.
June 06, 2003
A New Mystery!
A couple days ago I found a UPS slip on my door for "Liz W------" (everything after the W was unreadable). I'm not really expecting a package, so I take the slip online and have it rerouted to my work address. Plus it's from Raleigh, North Carolina and I don't know anyone there. Exciting, exciting stuff.
So I got the package today and chipped away at the label and read that it was for Liz Word. Of course, this happened after I opened it and looked inside. It was a box of magnolias (I think) wrapped in New York Times newspaper with a written message at the top of the shoebox that said, "I love you moopie" or something like that. There is no Liz Word in my building. Anyway, I'm going to leave a note explaining that I thought it was for me and I'm very sorry to open the package and maybe one of my neighbors will realize it was for them and it will have a happy ending. But what if it is not? What if Liz Word lived there years ago? Who is moopie? What if some lady is irrate somewhere because she didn't get her care package? I can only wonder.
sober hallucinations
does any one else ever have hallucinations when they're completely sober?
granted, it's really late, but i just saw a little dancing man in the carpet in the toilet. well, it was just the _pattern_ of a dancing man, but he was moving. i'm not sure if he was happy in there, just content. i guess there are worse things to be than a hallucination.
and a few weeks ago, the wall of the bathroom stall i was in started swimming. why do these things always happen in the toilet? very strange, and don't give me any bullshit about swamp gas.
any way, i dig random hallucinations. i'd recomend them to anybody.
June 05, 2003
Real Quick
Okay check it out: anniversary party @ my place of employment on Saturday night, free booze for two hours. All Chi-jeauns are invited. The catch is that somehow you need to get a paper invitation from me BEFORE then. The fun part: I am the first one cut after the party, so I'll be on the other side of the bar ready to drinky-drinky-drinky. The downfall: the place will be packed full of crazy boozehounds and it will probably be difficult to actually get a cocktail. Just call me if you're interested.
June 04, 2003
If we pool our resources, we can put down this RIOT!
I want to buy this. Actually, I feel a burning need to buy this. We can make it happen. If we pool our resources I'm sure we can buy it. Wadsbone can take care of it until we get it shipped to the states. Then we will be able to put down riots at will.
Or better yet, use it in marches as an anti-anti riot vehicle?
I know you're all pumped.
This is what riot control LOOKS LIKE!
Proof that medicine is whack
That's right, whack.
While in my 13th hour of studying today, I very nearly passed over this error of truly staggering proportions in my Pharmacology book: "Ethanol has antianxiety and sedative effects, but," and I swear, it really says this, "its toxic potential outweighs its benefits."
They must have had an infinitely large team of monkeys working 'round the clock, banging away at their typewriters, to come up with that gem.
June 03, 2003
i'm in love
http://www.reallysmalltalk.com
AUG 26:
There are these two homeless guys who’ve been around lately. One big black guy, rangy, who wears a button that says, "We’re coming." And this other Mexican guy with the puffy face of a perpetual drunk who hit bottom and kept on going. The black guy is always talking and the Mexican guy is clearly the silent side-kick. It’s possible the Mexican guy doesn’t even speak English, which would make it a really funny situation. But I can’t say it’s true. Anyway, I pass them on First Avenue, and I hear the rangy black guy say, "Of course Jesus went to China! How the fuck you think that motherfucker learned Kung Fu?"
June 02, 2003
What they're really thinking
Blair: (If he tells that damn joke one more time, I swear he's on the couch tonight)
Bush: "No, you see, its a limerick about this fella from Nantucket..."
Chirac: (Kill me... Kill meeee....)
Putin: (I'm a good ally. Yes I am. Yessir. Uncle George says I am. )
Schroeder: "hic"
of course they all think in English.
anonymous posting
there's been a motion to remove anonymous posting from the site.
shall we get vote-nasty? perhaps democratitillated?
anonymous posting or not, i'll give author access to anyone that asks.
that always has been the policy and there's no reason to change that
as far as i'm concerned.
so, let the voting begin as follows:
+1 if you want to ban anonymous posts.
-1 if you want to keep them.
dammit!
F.C.C. Votes to Relax Rules Limiting Media Ownership
http://www.nytimes.com/2003/06/02/business/02WIRE-FCC.html
This is bad. Very, very bad.
June 01, 2003
Anyone like good music?
For those of you who are in the City, one of my most favoritest bands is playing at the Mercury Lounge on June 11, 9:30 PM. They're called Five Eight, and they're a product of the Athens scene. I got the chance to see them in DC a couple of times, and each time, I was knocked on my butt by the energy/skill/overall amazitude of the show. They rarely get too far out of the South, but are damn well worth seeing when they do. Delicious samples are available at DeepElm.com.