jeaun.com

I want my MTV

I know most of you guys aren't really that interested in pop music or music videos or overpaid, marginally talented, carefully marketed stars. But DAMN, did anyone happen to catch the Video Music Awards yesterday? If not, there are pictures of "the kiss" all over the web. I want any and all commentary.

Grinnell best "all around"

Many of you have probably already seen this, even though I don't think anyone would readily admit to reading Newsweek. In their 9/1/03 issue they list Grinnell as the "best all-around" college. Here's the description:

"Yes, it's in a tiny corn-farming hamlet. But Grinnell is as cosmopolitan as any school, with 1500 students from all 50 states and 55 countries. Average SAT scores hover around 1350, and famous alumni include Intel cofounder Robert Noyce and jazz great Herbie Hancock. Grinnell has brawn, too—its basketball team won the Midwest Conference championship in 2001 and 2003. And Grinnell encourages a broad range of undergraduate research. Senior Holly Maness, a 2003 Goldwater scholar, has already been published in prestigious journals for her astrophysics resarch on nebulae.

"But it's not all lab life; Grinnell hosts plays, concerts and on-campus movies—all free. And the new dorms are great. It isn't cheap: total tab for 2003-2004 will run $31060. Grinnell is among the fewer than 40 colleges—all of them top schools—that still offer need-blind admissions, and most students receive some form of financial aid. No wonder applications are up 10 percent."

A few things, then:

1. They curiously omit the three suicides last semester.
2. They also fail to mention that admissions is specifically courting wealthier students.
3. A "TINY CORN-FARMING HAMLET"?!

"you don't strip for my daughter, you get a bottle to the head!"

Woman Attacks Stripper For Too Little, Too Late

No Soap?

So, recently, I was in the market for some toiletries. Some soap, some shampoo, to specify. I strolled over to the drug store down the street, but once there I was forced to admit that I'd tried every last shampoo variety they offered. None of them had done me repeat-customer level service, so I decided to look elsewhere.

Now, the place I just moved into is a close neighbor of this natural foods co-op type grocery store, and I knew that store had a section for the kinds of things I needed, I'd just never checked it out before. So I check it out. It looks promising at first -- their offering is 100% different from the walgreens stock. The bottles are sleekly designed, the scents are enticing, and the labels promise most solemnly that the small, worker-owned companies that produce these products have no designs on my momma.

I get some shampoo no problem. I find a few that look good, actually, so I decide between them by lining them up in a made-up progression (alphabetical by their color) and figuring I'll try them in that order. But remember, I also need some soap. So I take a few steps down to the bottle-soap section (hi, my name is Chris, and I use bottle soaps with a poofy sponge).

So far, no alarms. Everything looks good, everything smells good, so I start reading the fine print (in case you've ever wondered who that guy is that stands there and reads the full text of every box in the grocery store, that's me, and I wish you'd quit bumping me with your cart full of diapers). What I notice -- in the great big print, actually, I never even get to the fine print -- is that a prominently advertised property of all of these bottles of goo is that they contain no soap.

Evidently, if you want to be a player in the natural foods co-op toiletries aisle shower-gel market, you'd better be damn sure there isn't a trace of actual soap in your product. By all means, throw in some tea tree oil, some coconut extract, some ground-up glass (exfoliating), a fillet of fenny snake, and some soy mayonnaise, but under no circumstances may any actual cleansing agent cross the inviolate boundary of your slime kettle.

Does anyone know what's going on here? How did I miss this huge cultural shift whereupon it beacme a point of shame for high-end soap products to have soap in them? Your responses are appreciated. All suggestions will be considered.

Lamest use of jeaun.com ever

Hey Wadsbone, I sent you a message a couple days ago re: moving in with you. Did you get it? I'm not sure if I sent it to a current email address of yours or not. If you got it, reply; if not, shoot me your new address. Thanks.

For the rest of you, here's my new contact info until I a) go on tour in October and b) move to Chicago in November:

1323 Elm St
Grinnell IA 50112-1543
319 621 1104 mobile
641 236 7139 home
mohanjp@hotmail.com etc etc

rock on chicago

Wesley Willis 1963-2003 RIP

Oh Grinnell...

while you were out playing flipcup last night...

GRINNELL, Iowa - Cars on both lanes of Interstate 80 stopped to weather a swirling blizzard, but it wasn't snow. It was cash.

An eastbound armored truck somehow lost its load Tuesday night, sending money into the wind. Cars in both lanes stopped and tried to help recover the money.

The truck crew realized the money was missing near a rest stop, said Lt. Rob Hansen, a spokesman for the Iowa State Patrol.

"They knew they lost it and stopped immediately and attempted to retrieve it," Hansen said. "They don't know how or why (it was lost)."

Officers stopped three cars east of the cash spill and authorities were investigating whether the occupants had taken some of the money.

"Some folks ... attempted to benefit from the situation," Hansen said.

Hansen could not say whether the loss was part of a robbery or some other attempt to take money from the armored truck.

"To my knowledge this was the loss of property of no one's overt attempt," he said.

Hansen said the money in the area has been cleaned up.

"There is no reason for anybody to head out there," he said.

original story Dustin showed me

arrrgh, the sea...

i think i want to become a pirate, or at least a sea-bound explorer. how do i do that? obviously, i'd have to get a boat. but i was thinking that it would be cool to do all the old sea routes that existed in the old country: caspian, black, mediterranian (obviously), north sea, baltic, etc. (probably going to stay out of the red and dead seas as americans aren't so loved there.)
also: what kind of people would sail the caspian and black seas? they seem pretty surrounded by land. would i have to sail up rivers? will i get shot at? or at least hallucinate mermaids? what kind of fish are there? are they salt water or fresh water? obviously, i have a lot of questions. do you guys know the answer to this?
also: were there pirates before people sailed on the oceans?

mmmm, bacon...

Frightened burglar finds bacon head, calls police

this is rad

god bless paul newman

Paul Newman Is Still HUD

Lost and Found

Anybody seen my DPlan T-shirt with the birthday cake slice on it?
It's blue. I haven't seen it since around July 4.

file under 'uplifting'

Grandfather drowns after rescuing 6-year-old

NEDERLAND, Colorado (AP) -- A man jumped into a reservoir after his 6-year-old grandson, who had fallen in while fishing, and managed to push the boy to safety before slipping underwater and drowning.

The boy and his 8-year-old cousin ran frantically onto a highway Friday and flagged down a driver, who called 911.

"The little guy said 'My grandpa pushed me out of the water,' and then the older one said, 'My grandpa went under,"' said the driver, Joanne Cash.

When rescuers arrived, they found Terry Ringer, 49, face down about 10 feet away from the shore and were able to pull him out of the water without help from divers, Nederland police Sgt. Steve Davis said.

"He wasn't breathing and had no pulse when we pulled him out," said Davis, who estimated Ringer was in the water for 15 minutes. Paramedics performed CPR, but Ringer was pronounced dead at the scene.

Cash said the younger boy told her he fell into the water while fishing off an outcropping of rocks at a picnic area.

An autopsy determined Ringer died of asphyxia due to drowning, the Boulder County Coroner's office said Saturday

The water temperature was probably about 50 degrees, which can cause problems such as breathlessness, panic, cramps and hypothermia, said Dave Booton, emergency services coordinator for Boulder County.

-cnn

the great blackout of 2003

blackout stories... let's hear them.

i helped two of my friends find each other in brooklyn b/c they couldn't get in touch with each other. of course, had i visited a week later, i would have cried and been stuck in midtown. hmmm. my story sucks.

he was just drunk?

BERLIN (Reuters) - A woman in Germany says she still loves her boyfriend even though he bit her nose right off.

Judge Beatrix Homann said on Thursday her court in the western city of Hanover had sentenced the 26-year-old man to 18 months in jail for the assault, but that his partner, 50, had forgiven him.

"I still love this man," the judge quoted the woman, who has had six operations to build a synthetic nose, as saying at the hearing on Tuesday.

"He was just drunk," Homann told Reuters.

Confused Briton arrested in United States

Briton arrested in US for smuggling shoulder-fired surface to air missiles to sell to terrorists.
When interrogated by the FBI, he said, "This is all a mistake. I'm planning a celebration for November 5th. It's about Guy Fawkes. Don't you damn yanks know anything about your mother country? Rebel scum!"

On a more serious note, anyone think that he'll be declared an illegal combatant and put in the slammer for a year without any kind of representation? Or do we just do that to American (ex)citizens?

We persist in kicking it!

Update! Yes We Can! featured prominently in page 2 column of Monday's Red Streak!

Advisory:
Bone suggested I make available more Yes We Can logo activewear.
And then I did it.
Purchase at will.

Caveat regarding the limited selection:
I chose not to offer the cafepress version of mesh hat because the max-size logo was inexcusably small and the hat thereby looked totally doof-ronic and inauthentic. Special requests may well be considered.

In other news, jeaunny fuckfaces across the lands may delight in knowing we are as yet unbeaten in seven contests. Rejoice!

Have the Same Puppet as Karl Rove!

" Actual figure may vary slightly from item shown. "

Fucking Thieves

I don't know who in this group watches hours of mindless television and who doesn't . . . moreover, I don't know who watches MTV. I don't really fit in either of those categories myself, however, I was at my friend's house the other day and I saw something that made my eyes itch. We were flipping through the channels and came across "Made," that MTV show where they take loser children with no skills and train them to do something (usually that something is athletic in nature). On this particular episode they were training a girl to do tricks with bicycles, and one of the trainer dudes had a shirt on with THE WORD on it. I honestly can't remember what it said, but it was something like "_____ up the Jawn."

Did anyone else see this? Who's got the leak to biker/skater dudes from California and why are they using Jeaun vocabulary? And furthermore, why can't they spell?

Germany elects Coleman as Governor!

"Me and KITT think Gary would make a great governor!"

Dracucell

These people obviously never saw The Matrix

more decline of civilization...

if you guys loved me, you'd totally get lorenzo lamas to call my cell.

http://www.hollywoodiscalling.com/

oh crap, not again.

woohoo! Top 3! Lets hear it for Illinois!!!

now, if only grad school payed my rent...

Fake Spanish post

it's like this...

i'm entertaining escapist fantasies. alaethia is moving to mexico tomorrow. as much as i keep telling her it's a horrible idea, i'm so fucking jealous. i hate corporate america, i hate chicago, i hate being poor.

i will take any and all suggestions, especially if they're nonsensical and daydreamable.